I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
