pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Bring me that man meat
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
