census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
