he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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