Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize