from now on my penis is your penis
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
