i jhust puked up my retainher.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
