I will die if light touches me.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
