Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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