Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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