i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
