Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he fucked my hip out of place.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
