After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
