the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize