It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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