if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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