yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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