She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
