Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
