I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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