I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
