The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
