I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
