she looked like the bat from fern gully.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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