Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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