Your face is a jimmy john
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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