i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
