Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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