five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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