I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
