The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
