you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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