Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
