what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
