The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
