Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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