Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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