Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
