I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
