He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
