wakey wakey hands off snakey
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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