Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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