I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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