i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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