What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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