Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
