All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
