Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
