I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
