she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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