just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
