When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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