i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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