we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
