if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
