1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
