My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
