needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize