Don't make out with my wife yet
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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