this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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