So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
