The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
