please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
