Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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