so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
