Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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