i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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