Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
