My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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