A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
