I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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