What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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