so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
