things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i would punch a child for taco bell
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
