Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
