I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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